Half Man Half Biscuit - The Bastard Son Of Dean Friedman Lyrics

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Well I heard a lovely rumour

That Bette Midler had a tumour

So gleefully I went to tell my friends.

But they said it was a lie

That she wasn't going to die

"And by the way have we got news for you!"

And they told me that the man

That I had always billed as "Dad"

Hadn't met my "Mum" when I was born.

And they reckon that I am

But I hope to God I'm not

The bastard son of Dean Friedman

The bastard son of Dean Friedman.

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And my school-work fell behind

With this bombshell on my mind.

Me art teacher said he understood.

But he could only sympathise

With the sadness in my eyes

Even though he'd shown my his Magritte!

And in the "Corridors of Fear"

I would shed a lonely tear

As ridicule flew at me from both sides.

And they mocked me in my mocks

And embroidered in my socks

The bastard son of Dean Friedman

The bastard son of Dean Friedman.

Supercalifragilistic Borussia Mnchengladbach

And you can thank your lucky

Stars that you're not

The bastard son of Dean Friedman

The bastard son of Dean Friedman.

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