Nick Cannon Releases New Song Called "I Remember"
Nick Carey, er, Cannon, is attempting parental machismo in his new song, “I Remember.”
The song, which is a remix of a Deadmau5 track, begins with an abstract and colorful beat.
What follows is a voiceover prelude that speaks, “It’s incredible” in Auto-Tune, after which point "I Remember" then plummets into a confusing Soulja Boy/Bone Thugs and Harmony lyrical combo as the man we knew first as an “All That” Nickelodeon child star, then the comedy host of MTV’s Wildin’ Out, then an attempted movie star (Remember 2003 high school movie “Love Don’t Cost a Thing” with fellow musician and rumored love interest Christina Milian?), then as Mariah Carey’s husband and eventual father of her two children and finally, a host again, this time for primetime annoyance “America’s Got Talent,” attempts profanity and street-cred.
“I remember like it was ‘99/Wait, was that ’88?/When niggas had to make real cake everyday/Before they could say they was really that nigga,” raps Cannon in a paradoxically tuned monotone.
Unfortunately his thuggin’ falls flat, as he quickly reverts back into fatherhood mode.
Now I got twins and I’m shocked, Damn, how fast they growin’/Wonder if they knowin’ that they daddy go hard,” he adds.
To be fair, he valiantly defends his status as man of the house, asserting that his hosting checks bring in just as much bacon as his wife’s Grammy-winning soprano.
“But everybody sayin’ they Mariah checks/that’s the first mistake and lying’s next/Nick is broke, he ain’t cold.”
However, he loses again after a weak jab at Eminem, a stunt even Ray J wouldn’t dare attempt.
“I remember when I was a fan of the dude from Michigan/Then he put me in a predicament, defend my family, protect my wife/Fuck how you handle, this ain’t your life/Could of Ortized him, ain’t that fight.”
His bars boil down to a heartstring-tugging “I Remember” chorus cry by singer Kaskade before looping into obscurity, (kind of like the last six minutes of Kanye’s “Say You Will” heartbreak opus), where the listener is finally released from the confusing hold of hip-hop and house music.
It’s a brave attempt for Cannon, but next time, he should probably stick to lyrical topics more his speed—like the effectiveness of a Baby Bjorn.