All Cartoons Are Fing Dicks Lyrics - Family Guy

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On Monday I had drinks with Barney Rubble
We hit a couple divy little bars
We noticed there was quite a lovely lady
Sitting at the table next to ours
Now Barney, who was pretty friggin' wasted
Got up and stumbled over with a groan
He said: "Hey, just between us, my neanderthalic xxxxx is as massive as a stegosaurus bone!"

All Cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks

Meg: "Did Barney really say that?"
Peter: "Oh, yeah! He is a bastard."
Lois: "Wow!"
Peter: "An-And he really does not give a damn about the feelings of women! Ah, aah.. it's Sad! It's really sad..."
Brian: "Well you think that's bad, listen to this…"

One day I met an ape of great charisma
Magilla the Gorilla was his name
He wore a little hat and matching bowtie
A fashion witch has brought him great acclaim
I said: "What do you see as your career-peak? Of all your many flashy escapades."
He said: "Well this is funky, but you're looking at the monkey who`s responsible for bringing you the AIDS. "

All Cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks

Peter: "So he`s the cold prick?"
Stewie: "I say that is just awful!"
Lois: "Okay, okay! Listen to this little gin…"

I had a conversation at a party
With famous Rabbit Hunter Elmer Fudd
He told me I just had to see his rifle
And dropped it at the table with a thud
I said to him: "It`s quite a lovely firearm."
He told me his fiancé likes it to
He said: "This maybe corny but it really gets me horny when I press it to her temple while we screw!"

All Cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks

Peter: "Aw, God! That is one sick bastard!"
Stewie: "Euw, you`re not kidding?"
Brian: "Yeah, that… eeh… that stuff`s kinda` against the law to, I think."
Chris: "Well, I got one that`s even worse than that…"

On Friday-night I went to get some candy
Some soda and some chips and other stuff
Along the way I passed a little alley
And there I saw that K-9 called McGruff
I said to him: "Hey! You`re that famous crime dog!"
He said:
"I only work from nine to five! And now it`s close "ten-ish" and I
got a job to finish `cause as you can see this hooker`s still alive!"

All Cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks

Meg: "That`s awful!"
Stewie: "Uh! Imagine McGruff beating up hookers!"
Peter: "He is a dick… He is a DICK!"
Stewie: "Yes, yes! He`s a nasty Cartoon, but I can top that… Listen to this!"

One day as I was strolling through the forest
I happened on some mushroom covered turf
And there from underneath a patro-fungus
Emerged the one and only Papa Smurf
He said: "This is our secret mushroom village!"
I said: "Then I`m the first to see these views?"
He said: "I`m only kidding, `cause we only keep it hidden from the Asians, Adams, Faggots, Blacks and Jews!"

All Cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks

Lois: "That Papa Smurf sounds like a monster!"
Stewie: "Oh, he`s a dirty, nasty racist and a bigot and homophobe, and do you know what I did when I got home?"
Brian: "What?"
Stewie: "I called up Gargamel and I told him where the village is!"

[LAUGHTER]

Peter: "That`s sweeeeet…"
Meg: "Can I go next?"
Lois: "Of course, sweetie!"
Meg: "One day I met a…-"
Peter: "Holy crap! Look who`s here, it`s Jason Alexander!"
JA: "Hey, Cartoon-haters!"
Meg: "B-but I was supposed to go next!"
Lois: "Quiet, honey! Mr. Alexander wants to talk!"
JA: "I couldn`t help overhearing what you were talking about and I agree. Cartoons are real xxxxxxx assholes!"
Brian: "Yeah, that`s sorta` what we`ve been trying to communicate."
JA: "Well, get a load of this!"
Peter: "(Laughing) He said load!!"
Lois: "(Laughing) I know! I heard!"

I once met Scooby-Doo at a première bash
He looked a little haggard and he stunk
He said: "The trouble started last December. When Daphne made a pass while she was drunk."
And now he`s got a child out of wedlock
It`s dealing his career a fatal blow
I asked him: "Where`s the baby?"
He said: "Jason, buddy, maybe now you see why fuckin` Scrappy`s gotta go!"

All Cartoons are fuckin' dicks
They get their kicks from being pricks
It's a quirk, we just can't fix
'Cause all cartoons are fuckin' dicks

Peter: "Wow, Scrappy is the bastard child of Scooby and Daphne?"
JA: "Shocking isn`t it?"
Peter: "Yeah! Hey, you douche bags wanna wrap this up?"

[CHOIR SINGING]

So let us now leave you with one suggestion
A bit of wisdom you can take for free
`Cause the Micky`s and the Goofy`s and the Daffy`s
Are not the gentle souls they seem to be
So anytime Sylvester catches Tweety
Or Tom has got poor Jerry in a fix
(He`s in a fix!)
Sit back and just observe it;
`Cause the little xxxxx deserve it
FOR ALL CARTOONS ARE FUCKIN` DICKS!

Stewie:
"So! When do we get to the `off-color` part of the album?"

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