Todd Rundgren - Lord Chancellor's Nightmare Song Lyrics

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Love unrequited robs me of me rest

Love hopeless love my ardent soul encumbers

Love nightmare like lies heavy of me chest

And weaves itself into my midnight slumbers.

When you're lying awake with a dismal headache and

Repose is taboo'd by anxiety

I conceive you may use any language you choose to

Indulge in without impropriety;

For your brain is on fire the bed-clothes conspire of

Usual slumber to plunder you:

First your counter-pane goes and uncovers your toes

And your sheet slips demurely from under you;

Then the blanketing tickles you feel like mixed

Pickles so terribly sharp is the pricking

And you're hot and you're cross and you tumble and

Toss 'til there's nothing 'twixt you and the

Ticking.

Then the bed-clothes all creep to the ground in a heap

And you pick 'em all up in a tangle;

Next your pillow resigns and politely declines to

Remain at it's usual angle!

Well you get some repose in the form of a dose with

Hot eye-balls and head ever aching

But your slumbering teems with such horrible dreams

That you'd very much better be waking;

For you dream you are crossing the channel and

Tossing about in a steamer from harwich

Which is something between a large bathing machine and

A very small second class carriage

And you're giving a treat (penny ice and cold meat) to

A party of friends and relations

They're a ravenous horde and they all come on board

At sloane square and south kensington stations.

And bound on that journey you find your attorney

(who started this morning from devon);

He's a bit undersiz'd and you don't feel surpris'd

When he tells you he's only eleven.

Well you're driving like mad with this singular lad

(by the bye the ship's now a four wheeler)

And you're playing round games and he calls you bad

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Names when you tell him that "ties pay the dealer";

But this you can't stand so you throw up your hand

And you find you're as cold as an icicle;

In your shirt and your socks (the black silk with gold

Clocks) crossing sal'sbury plain on a bicycle:

And he and the crew are on bicycles too which they've

Somehow or other invested in

And he's telling the tars all the particulars of a

Company he's interested in;

It's a scheme of devices to get at low prices all

Good from cough mixtures to cables

(which tickled the sailors) by treating retailers as

Though they were all vegetables;

You get a good spadesman to plant a small tradesman

(first take off his boots with a boot tree)

And his legs will take root and his fingers will

Shoot and they'll blossom and bud like a fruit

Tree;

From the green grocer tree you get grapes and green

Pea cauliflower pine apple and cranberries

While the pastry cook plant cherry brandy will grant

Apple puffs and three corners and banburys;

The shares are a penny and ever so many are taken by

Rothschild and baring

And just as a few are allotted to you you awake

And with a shudder despairing

You're a regular wreck with a crick in your neck and

No wonder you snore for your head's on the floor

And you've needles and pins from your soles to your

Shins and your flesh is acreep for your left leg's

Asleep

And you've cramp in your toes and a fly on your nose

And some fluff in your lung and a feverish tongue

And a thirst that's intense

And a general sense that you haven't been sleeping in

Clover;

But the darkness has pass'd and it's daylight at

Last and the night has been long ditto ditto my

Song

And thank goodness they're both of them over!

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