Denis Leary - I'm An Asshole Lyrics

Send "I'm An Asshole" ringtone to your cell

Folks I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream

About me about you the way our American hearts beat

Down in the bottom of our chests about the special feeling

We get in the cockles of our hearts maybe below the cockles

Maybe in the sub-cockle area maybe in the liver

Maybe in the kidneys maybe even in the colon we don't know

I'm just a regular Joe with a regular job

I'm your average white suburbanite slob

I like football and porno and books about war

I've got an average house with a nic hardwood floor

My wife and my job my kids and my car

My feet on my table and a Cuban cigar

But sometimes that just ain't enough

To keep a man like me interested

(Oh no)

No way

(Uh-uh)

No I've gotta go out and have fun

At someone else's expense

(Oh yeah)

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

I drive really slow in the ultrafast lane

While people behind me are going insane

I'm an asshole

(He's an asshole what an asshole)

I'm an asshole

(He's an asshole such an asshole)

I use public toilets and piss on the seat

I walk around in the summertime saying

"How about this heat?"

I'm an asshole

(He's an asshole what an asshole)

I'm an asshole

(He's the world's biggest asshole)

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Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces

While handicapped people make handicapped faces

I'm an asshole

(He's an asshole what an asshole)

I'm an asshole

(He's a real fucking asshole)

Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song

Ranting and raving and carrying on

Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong

Nah!

I'm an asshole

(He's an asshole what an asshole)

I'm an asshole

(He's the world's biggest asshole)

You know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado convertible

Hot pink with whaleskin hub caps and all leather cow interior

And big brown baby seal eyes for headlights yeah

And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115 mph

Getting one mile per gallon sucking down quarter pounder

Cheese burgers from McDonald's in the old fashioned

Non-biodegradable Styrofoam containers

And when I'm done sucking down those grease ball burgers

I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag

And then I'm gonna toss the Styrofoam container right out the side

And there ain't a goddamned thing anybody can do about it

You know why? Because we got the bombs that's why

Two words nuclear fucking weapons okay?

Russia Germany Romania

They can have all the democracy they want

They can have a big democracy cake walk

Right through the middle of Tienanmen square

And it won't make a lick of difference

Because we've got the bombs okay? John Wayne's not dead

He's frozen and as soon as we find the cure for cancer

We're gonna thaw out the duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off

You know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower?

Well multiple that by 15 million times

That's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be

I'm gonna get the Duke and John Cassavetes

(Hey)

And Lee Marvin

(Hey)

And Sam Peckinpah

(Hey)

And a case of whiskey and drive down to Texas

(Hey you know you really are an asshole)

Why don't you just shut-up and sing the song pal

I'm an asshole

(He's an asshole what an asshole)

I'm an asshole

(He's the world's biggest asshole)

A S S H O L E everybody

A S S H O L E

Arf arf arf arf arf arf arf

Fung achng tum a fung tum a fling chum

Ooh ooh

I'm an asshole and proud of it

Send "I'm An Asshole" ringtone to your cell