Lewis Black - Golfers Lyrics

Lewis Black Golfers lyrics is the 3rd song on the album "Anticipation" by Lewis Black. The "Golfers" lyrics by Lewis Black are displayed below.
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Golfers by Lewis Black

There are two groups of people whose lives are much fuller when they anticipate these are gamblers and golfers. thats when life's the best for them. uh i am a golfer and that's a scottish word and it means asshole. if you're a golfer here this evening and you don't know that you're an asshole put on the crown tonight you're the king. there is i promise you no greater group of idiots collectively than golfers. if you're not a golfer realize it if you're ever having an arguement with a golfer you actually know more than the golfer because you're iq is at least 30 points higher. because the golfer has taken a portion of his mind and flushed it down the toilet. it's unbelievable you're probably lucky if you don't play golf. you probably had a moment of lucididty when you thought maybe i should play this game then ya look out your window and there was your neighbor carrying a set of clubs to the car wearing lime green pants because golfers are colorblind and you thought wow there goes a douchebag. all golfers when they begin to play the game are all really equal thier skill level is um more than shitty. and then about ten years after playing the game oh happy day they become shitty!! and then one day they wake up and in those three hours before they go to the golf course the best three hours a golfer has when they're anticipating just how great a day it's going to be it's all going to come together the millions of dollars invested in this sport are finally gonna pay of when i become less than shitty!! what kind of a fucking fruitcake aspires to become less than shitty. the golfer if they had any brains at all would go to the course um get in the cart at the cluhouse and drive with the pals to the first tee and then take a good long look at it and then turn to each other and go "wow that was a great day" and then turn around and go back to the clubhouse where they really belong. but instead the golfer being the moron that he is will get out of the cart and take the driver that's the club that you use to hit the ball the furthest and due to incredible technologythe driver head is now the size of an infant. even a monkey with a stick up is ass coming out of it's throat in it's final death twitches could hit the ball. and then then the golfer stides up and puts the ball on the tee and has thier last real thought of the day "just remember to breath through your ass." and then they swing and 35 yards right in the fucking woods!! and then the game of golf becomes not someone hitting a ball but the conversation that takes place for the entire 18 holes inside the golfers head. because as soon as that ball flies into the woods the next sound the golfer hears is the sound of his voice inside his own head. "i told you when you woke up this morning that you were a piece of shit." and you said "that's right and i'm going to prove it to you again were going to play golf." i said "why should we do that it's always a painful experience. why don't we have a couple of beers and kick back and enjoy the day. so here we are enjoying the day in the woods isn't it nice look there's some poison sumac why don't you grab a couple of leaves and wipe it on your nuts we haven't had it there. oh my god it's a snake!! oh only kidding. wow looks like the ball' s lost what did that cost 5 bucks? boy that was a buy five dollar ball cause thats the ball that tiger uses. well did we learn a lesson today? your'e not fucking tiger!!" why don't ya reach in the bag and grab another one of those five dollar beautys? maybe line it up and try to hit it into the other woods so maybe we will end up on the fareway for a change!! better yet why don't you take that ball and just shove it up your ass then try to shoot it out your pee pee hole? if we had spent the last fifteen years doing that at least we would have a skill today. so fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you and fuck you!! because golf was a game designed for people who don't hate themselves enough in thier daliy lives. don't ever let a golfer tell you that they care about nature every golf course is covered with enough chemicals you could destroy a village. and every golfer in this room knows that the following is true that they could hit a ball and it could end up behind the oldest and most beautiful tree in north america and thier first thought would be "if i had a chiansaw that prick would be down."

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