Doug Anthony All Stars - Friends Lyrics

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He was quiet, he was shy

A stay-at-home sort of guy

Someone you'd trust your sister with

Had a twinkle in his eye

Yet they say he was psychotic

They say psychotically disturbed

He was mentally unbalanced, a schizophrenic mass murderer with severe personality disorders

They used their jargonistic words

So he killed and mutilated

Served his victim on a tray

But Jeffrey Dahmer was my friend, okay?

Tuesday nights we'd go out bowling

And he'd blow those pins to hell

He'd watch what he'd eat

And it watched him as well

Friends, friends

We can all be friends

If we just let the little hurt

Between us mend

I met him at the circus

He was hiding in the dark

Pulling funny faces

Making people laugh

They say he was a freak

They say genetically deformed

Should have sold his body to science

The minute he was born

But he'd just smile and say,

"[slurp] You've all been very kind."

Yes, yes, John Merrick, the Elephant Man

Was a friend of mine

We'd all go out on blind dates

Hessian bags over our heads

We never slept like normal kids

We'd sit straight up in bed

Friends, friends

We can all be friends

If we just let the little hurt

Between us mend

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He was a painter, quite artistic

He had that suave panache

A tasteful brown shirt

And a cute toothbrush moustache

Yeah, he loved his German Shepherd

Walking by the babbling brook

Watching blond haired, blue eyed children

Setting fire to books

Yet they say he was a monster

Rhe leader of the Reich

But Adolf Hitler he was my friend, alright?

He loved to go out dancing,

Really dug the human league

And that song by Alice Cooper,

"Only Women Bleed"

Friends, friends

We can all be friends

If we just let the little hurt

Between us mend

Friends -

He murdered 17 million of the bourgeoisie

But Joseph Stalin was a friend to me!

Friends -

Some say he shot the president - is that crime?

Lee Harvey Oswald was a friend of mine

Friends -

He pillaged, was the scourge of Eastern Europe

But Ghangis Khan was my good rocking buddy!

Friends -

She's cute, sort of awkward, her closes barely fit her

But Myra Henley was my baby-sitter

Friends -

Charlie Manson never killed Sharon Tate

He's "Lucky Chucky" to his mates

Friends -

David Koresh never died in that fire

He's our friend, our buddy, our messiah

Friends -

Jack the Ripper gave his heart to me

Friends -

Idiah Min and I played quoits

Friends -

Margaret Thatcher was a pitcher, not a catcher

Friends -

Pol Pot was a friend of mine

Friends -

Noriega was a friend of mine

Friends -

Ceaucesu was a friend of mine

Friends -

Pinochet was a friend of mine

Friends -

Michael Jackson was a friend of mine...

Come on, boys, can't we love one another?

Even Oedipus had a mother

Friends, friends

We can all be friends

If we just let the little hurt

Between us mend

Friends, friends

We can all be friends

If we just let the little hurt

Between us mend

Send "Friends" ringtone to your cell