Judd Cledus T - First Redneck On The Internet Lyrics

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First Redneck On The Internet: Cledus T. Judd.

Written by James Beavers Steven Beavers and Barry Poole.

(© Homesick Cowboy Music/Skronk Bonk Music.)

From "Did I Shave My Back For This?" © 1998 Razor & Tie.

Well Lordy mercy I's in a mess

My wife run off with my TV set

Didn't bother me none that she had to go

'Cept I's gonna miss all my TV shows.

So I looked up to heaven got down on my knees.

An' I cried: "Dear Lord will you help me please."

"I need a TV by tomorrow night

"'Cos Rick Flare's involved in a talent fight."

Well I guess my tytheing finally paid off

'Cos early next mornin' shoulda seen what I saw.

Reached in my overhorse for my inhaler

'Cos there's a big brown box there right in my trailer.

I used my truck keys cut open the box

I was hopin' for a Sony or a Microbox.

I looked at the name and thought: "Oh my gosh!

"This must be a new one called Macintosh."

Well my last TV was a whole lot wider

But this'n here come with its own typewriter.

It had all the letters from A to Z

I guess you just type in what you wanna see.

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Well I thought I punched up: "WWF"

But the TV Screen said World Wide Web.

Then I broke out in a cold cold sweat:

I's the first redneck on the internet.

He was the first red neck on the internet

A bona fide countrified cyber-threat.

He went on line just one time

And now they won't forget

The first redneck on the internet.

It was all so new I shoulda taken my time

But I slammed that mouse up in four-wheel drive.

Last time I did so much pointin' and clickin'

I had a .22 rifle shootin' at chickens.

Then all of a sudden it occurred to me

The power I had with this fancy TV.

I could get back at my ex-wife

With the touch of a button I could ruin her life.

So I got the number off her Mastercard

I bought a new lift kit and four new tyres.

Then I got on line to her bank account

Went ahead and closed that sucker out.

I had her power and her water shut slap off.

The I sent an e-mail to her dead plain boss

Lettin' him know that she told me

She'd have his job by the end of the week.

He was the first red neck on the internet

A bona fide countrified cyber-threat.

He went on line just one time

And now they'll never forget (Won't forget.)

The first redneck on the internet.

Now the moral of the story as a matter of fact

In a couple of days I got my TV back.

She said she'd like to come back as well.

I told her to go straight to AOL.

Now thank the Lord that the UPS

For droppin' that box at Cledus' address.

If they ever wanna find him it won't take long

Type www.cledus.com

To reach the first red neck on the internet

A bona fide countrified cyber-threat.

He went on line just one time

And now they'll never forget (Won't forget.)

He was the first red neck on the internet.

The first red neck on the internet.

Hey Buck p'preciate your help. You ARE the man.

World Wide Web population Four Zillion. Cy hoot

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