Larry The Cable Guy - Couldn't Keep The Pizza Lit Lyrics

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Some girl's banging on my door the other day at four o'clock in the morning. i was like "what in the world?" you know? so i got up and let her out. tell you what i was madder than janet reno's blind date.

I met this guy a while back looked like shania twain. only a little shorter and uh faces were different. i was drunk it looked like shania twain. next morning mark twain is laying there next to me there he--ho ho--she was ugly now. i take her to glamour shops get her an estimate you know. she was--man she was ugly right there. she had marks on her from where people had been touching her with the ten-foot poles!

I don't like miami too much though there's a lot of drugs and stuff. i was down there in broad daylight car drive by says "you want some cocaine?"

I'm like "no officer."

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I don't do drugs. i don't know what i'm doing. i tried smoking mushrooms once couldn't keep the pizza lit you know so i quit doing that. i tell you i was madder than a three-legged dog trying to bury a turd on an icy lake i tell you what.

Has it ever happened to you when you make love to your girlfriend and the dog licks your hind-end?

Now that--lord i apologize for talking about the dog licking my crack there and be with the starving pygmies down there in new guinea. amen.

I'm trying to teach my dog safe sex but he keeps licking off the rubbers. that's funny! i don't care who you are that's funny right there! if you don't think that's funny you get out of here right now 'cause. that's a good program right there. preacher told me that joke. that's right.

Git-r-done!

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