Weird Al Yankovic - Close But No Cigar Lyrics

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Jillian was her name

She was sweeter than aspartame

Her kisses reconfigured my DNA

And after that I never was the same

And I loved her even more

Than Marlon Brando loved souffle

She was gorgeous she was charmin'

Yeah she was perfect in every way

Except she was always using the

Word "infer"

When she obviously meant "imply"

And I know some guys would put up

With that kind of thing

But frankly I can't imagine why

And I told her I said

"Hey! Are we playin' horseshoes honey?

No I don't think we are!

You're close! (Close!)

But no cigar!"

Then I met sweet young Janet

Prettiest thing on the planet

Had a body hotter than a habanero

She had lips like a ripe pomegranate

And I was crazy like Manson about her

She got me all choked up like Mama Cass

She had a smile so incredibly radiant

You had to watch it through a

Piece of smoked glass

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I thought after all these

Years of searching around

I'd found my soulmate finally

But one day I found out she

Actually owned a copy

Of Joe Dirt on DVD

Oh no! I said

"Hey! Are we lobbing

Hand grenades kiddo?

No I don't think we are!

You're close! (Close!)

Oh so very close! (Close!)

Yeah baby you're close! (Close!)

So close!

But no cigar!"

(Oh yeah!)

(Oh no!)

(Oh yeah!)

(Oh no!)

(Oh yeah!)

(Oh no!)

(ALL RIGHT!)

[Hand claps trumpet solo]

Julie played water polo

She wore a ribbon on her left manolo

She had me sweatin' like Nixon

Every time she was near

My heart was beating like a Buddy Rich solo

And she was everything I've dreamed of

She moved right up to #1 on my list

And did I mention she's a

World famous billionare

Bikini supermodel astrophysicist

Yeah she was so pretty she

Made Charlize Theron

Look like a big fat slobbering pig

The only caveat is one of her earlobes

Was just a little tiny bit too big

I said

"Hey! Are we doing

Government work here?

No I don't think we are!

You're close! (Close!)

So very very close! (Close!)

Oh baby you're close! (Close!)

So close!

But no cigar!"

Missed it by that much! (No cigar!)

Ah yeah! Ah right! (No cigar!)

Really really really close! (No cigar!)

But no cigar!

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