Tom Lehrer - Clementine Lyrics

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I should like to consider the folk song

And expound briefly on a theory I have

Held for some time to the effect that the

Reason most folk songs are so atrocious

Is that they were written by the people.

If professional song writers had written

Them instead things might have turned

Out considerably differently. For

Example consider the old favourite with

Which I'm sure you are all familiar

Clementine you know:

In a cavern

In a canyon

Da da daa da da da daa

... a song with no recognisable merit

Whatsoever and imagine what might have

Happened if for example Cole Porter had

Tried writing the song. The first verse

Might have come out like this:

In a cavern

In a canyon

Excava-ha-ha-hating for a mine

Far away from the boom boom boom of the city

She was so pretty

What a pity

Clementine.

O Clementine

Can't you tell from the howls of me

This love of mine

Calls to you from the bowels of me?

Are you discerning the returning of this

Churning burning yearning for you

Ooh ooh aah aah.

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Source - http://www.kovideo.net/clementine-lyrics-tom-lehrer-760971.html

Well supposing at this point that Mozart

Or one of that crowd had tried writing a

Verse the next one might have come out as

A baritone aria from an Italian opera

Somewhat along these lines:

Era legera

E come un fairy

E suo shoes numero nine

Herring bo-ho-ho-hoxes senza to-ho-ho-hopses

Sandale per Clementina si per Clementina si

Clementina sandale per

Clementina sandale per

Clementina

Clementina Clementina Clementina.

Herring boxes senza topses

Sandale per Clementina

Herring boxes senza topses

Sandale per Clementine

Che sciagura Clementina

Che sciagura Clementina

Cara Clementina cara Clementina-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.

Supposing at this rather dramatic

Juncture in the narrative one of our

Modern cool school of composers had tried

Writing a verse. The next one might have

Come out like this:

A one a two a three doo doo doo doo doo doo doo

Drove those ducklings to the water

Yep rock doodle a doo doo ah ah

Every morning like 9 am

Whoopa da doo da doo doo da

Got her hung upon a splinter

Got her hung upon a splinter doo da hoo hoo

Fell into the foamy brine

Dig that crazy Clementine man!

To end on a happy note one can always

Count on Gilbert and Sullivan for a

Rousing finale full of words and music and

Signifying nothing.

That I missed her depressed her

Young sister named Esther

This mister to pester she tried.

Now a pestering sister's a festering blister

You'd best to resist her say I.

The mister resisted

The sister persisted

I kissed her all loyalty slipped.

When she said I could have her

Her sister's cadaver

Must surely have turned in its crypt

Yes yes yes yes!

For I love she and she loves me

Enraptured are the both of we

Yes I love she and she loves I

And will through all eternity.

See what I mean!

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