Ian Dury And The Blockheads - Billericay Dickie Lyrics

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(spoken)

Good evening i'm from Essex

In case you couldn't tell

My given name is Dickie I come from Billericay

And I'm doing very well

Had a love affair with Nina

In the back of my Cortina

A seasoned up hyena could not have been more obscener

She took me to the cleaners

And other misdemeanours

But I got right up between her

Rum and her Ribena

Well you ask Joyce and Vicki

If candy-floss is sticky

I'm not a blinking thicky

I'm Billericay Dickie

And i'm doing very well

I bought a lot of brandy

When I was courting Sandy

Took eight to make her randy

And all I had was shandy

Another thing with Sandy

What often came in handy

Was passing her a 'Mandy'

She didn't half go bandy

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So you ask Joyce and Vicki

If I ever took the mickey

I'm not a flipping thicky

I'm Billericay Dickie

And I'm doing very well

I'd rendezvous with Janet

Quite near the Isle of Thanet

She looked more like a gannet

She wasn't half a prannet

Her mother tried to ban it

Her father helped me plan it

And when I captured Janet she bruised her pomegranet

So you ask Joyce and Vicki

If i ever shaped up tricky

I'm not a blooming thicky

I'm Billericay Dickie

And I'm doing very well

You should never hold a candle if you don't know where it's been

The jackpot is in the handle on a normal fruit machine

So you ask Joyce and Vicki

Who's their favourite brickie

I'm not a common thicky

I'm Billericay Dickie

And I'm doing very well

I know a lovely old toe-rag obliging and noblesse

Kindly charming shag from Shoeburyness

My given name is Dickie

I come from Billericay

I thought you'd never guess

So you ask Joyce and Vicki

A pair of squeaky chickies

I'm not a flaming thicky I'm Billericay Dickie

And I'm doing very well

Oh golly oh gosh come and lie on the couch

With a nice bit of posh from Burnham-on-Crouch

My given name is Dickie I come from Billericay

And I ain't a sloutch

So you ask Joyce and Vicki

About Billericay Dickie

I ain't an effin' thicky

You ask Joyce and Vicki

And I'm doing very well

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