Bloodhound Gang - A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying Lyrics

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I was lonelier than kunta kinte at a merle haggard concert that night

I strolled on into uncle limpy's hump palace lookin' for love

It had been a while in fact three hundred and sixty-five had come

And went since that midnight run haulin' hog to shakey town on i-10

I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons

Through a pair of daisy duke cut-offs

And one of those fruit of the loom tank-tops

Well that night i lost myself to ruby red lips

Milky white skin and baby blue eyes name was russell

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well i find it's quite a thrill when she grinds me against her will

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well faster than you can say shallow grave

This pretty little thing come up to me

And starts kneadin' my balls like hard boiled eggs in a tube sock

Said her name was bambi and i said

"well that's a coincidence darlin'

'cause i was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer"

Well she smiled had about as much teeth as a jack-o-lantern

And i went on to tell her how i would wear her face like a mask

As i do my little kooky dance and then she told me to shush

I guess she could sense my desperation

Of course it's hard to hide a hard-on

When you're dressed like minnie pearl

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Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well i find it's quite a thrill when she grinds me against her will

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

So bambi's goin' on about how she can make

All my fantasies come true

So i says "even this one i have where jesus christ is jackhammerin' mickey mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart

As garth brooks gives birth to somethin' resemblin' a

Cheddar cheese log with almonds on santa claus's tummy-tum?"

Well ten beers twenty minutes and thirty dollars later

I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what i mean

Got to nail her back at her trailer

Heh that rhymes i have to admit it was even more of a turn-on

When i found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well i find it's quite a thrill when she grinds me against her will

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Day or so had passed when i popped the clutch

Gave the tranny a spin and slid on into the

Stinky pinky gulp n' guzzle big rig snooze-a-stop

There i was browsin' through the latest issue of throb

When i saw bambi starin' at me from the back of the milk carton

Well my heart just dropped

So i decided to do what any good christian would

You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold

A half gallon of moo juice and polish the one-eyed gopher

When your doin' seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler

I never thought missing children could be so sexy

Did i say that out loud?

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well i find it's quite a thrill when she grinds me against her will

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

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